'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize