i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
