apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
