he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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