I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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