Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
