i just had sex bonerless
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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