Its about making memories worth repressing
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
