I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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