Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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