Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize