Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
