I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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