"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
