dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sext me about skeletons
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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