Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
