she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
