hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
