she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
