if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
