is your mom at the bar?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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