Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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