I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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