I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
