The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
