We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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