Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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