I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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