We need to rekindle our bromance
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
