i jhust puked up my retainher.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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