Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We talked him into tasing himself.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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