Buhtt sex?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize