Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
