And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
