I'm really into asian looking animals
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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