You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
