Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize