I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Im part way to drunk.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
