stop calling my apartment porn island.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
