I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
