I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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