just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
