How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
