Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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