Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
