Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
barbara walters just said penis...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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