is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
