i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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