Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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