There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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