even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
