It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize