White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
