In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
