Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
