well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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