Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
