after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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