i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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