Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
