***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
