Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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