Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
