About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
