i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
