If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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