You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize