I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
