Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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