If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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