his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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