shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
