You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
