Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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