A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
