i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
