I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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