i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
