I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
