my mouth tastes like poor choices
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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