so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
