I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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