good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
