What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
