Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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