Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
