whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
