Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ketchup is God's man juice
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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