Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
