Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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