Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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