I could make wine with my vomit
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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