don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
