Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
