Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
